As she retires, Terri Weber reminds caregivers to make sure they take care of themselves

As they say, all good things must come to an end. I want to let you know that I will be retiring from UK as of Oct. 3. It has been my privilege and honor to work with you, the UK caregivers, throughout the last 14 years. Now it’s time for me to turn to a new chapter. But UK Elder Care will continue.  I will assist in the transition, continuing to provide individual consultations on a limited basis and co-facilitating Care Group with Ann Bassoni, UK Mental Health Therapist, until a new hire is confirmed.

The Fall UK Elder Care Lunch & Learn presentations will start this month and an In-the-Know Elder Care newsletter will be in your inbox next month.  Again, it has been my pleasure and honor to assist this group; I wish you all the best.

If you have read any of the Elder Care newsletters or attended any of our events, you’ve probably heard me say (over and over) how important self-care is when you are caring for a loved one. I can’t reiterate the sentiment enough: Caring for yourself is not selfish, it’s essential.

Taking care of yourself

All of the mental, physical and/or financial burdens of caring for a loved one create a high risk for caregiver stress and burnout.  

What is caregiver burnout

Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional or mental exhaustion. It occurs when caregivers don’t get the help and support they need. It’s when resentment and anger start to bubble up and fester, and those dark emotions just sit with you.  Once a caregiver begins to feel the effects of burnout, it becomes hard to care for both themselves and their loved one. Something needs to change. It’s key to not let resentment and anger defeat you. 

Where does resentment and anger come from

1. Unrealistic expectations — those we put on ourself (believing we can manage everything for everyone without a hitch) and those that our loved one places on us (the demand of having to be constantly available and on-call)
2. Lack of control — being put in a caregiver position, a position we might not want to be in, feeling helpless in doing something about our loved one’s deteriorating health and/or challenging behaviors, and the unpredictability of it all. 
3. Emotional Strain — the taxing feeling of being overworked, underappreciated, or taken for granted
4. Unmet needs — the lack of emotional support and community services
5. Guilt — feeling inadequate in caring for your loved one (although you are doing your very best) and feeling neglectful in your other relationships ( family, friends, work) 

Understanding the root cause of where these feelings of anger and resentment are coming from can help you start to manage it. 

 Signs of caregiver burnout

• Feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried
• Fatigue
• Sleeping too much or not enough
• Gaining or losing weight
• Becoming easily irritated or angry
• Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy
• Feeling sad
• Having frequent headaches, bodily pain or other physical problems
• Abusing alcohol or drugs, including prescription medications

How can you avoid burnout?

Taking care of you is a full time, conscious, ongoing task. Taking care of a dependent older loved one takes added energy, time and commitment. How do you do both without sinking into a dark space. Being able to recognize when you are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated or resentful is key.  But as life would have it, just when you think you have it figured out…..BAM!, you’re reminded that caregiving is a work in progress. 

The Caregiver Self-Assessment Questionnaire, developed by the American Medical Association, is a tool to help caregivers identify their caregiver stress level. Set aside a few minutes to take the Assessment and see where you fall on the stress scale.                                                                               

*This questionnaire is meant to serve as a guide only.

Things you can do

Work with a therapist. 

• UK Mental Health Therapists offer 5 free mental health sessions for employees who have full-time equivalency or 0.5 or greater, are a UK retiree, sponsored dependent, or spouse. You can meet with them in- person, by phone or online. For more information click HERE .
• LiveHealth Online is currently offering $0 co-pays for behavioral health services. For more information click HERE.
• UK Health Coaching offers up to 8 free sessions for employees who have full-time equivalency or 0.5 or greater, are a UK retiree, sponsored dependent, or spouse. For more information click HERE.

Find a support group, either on-line or in-person. Participating in a group that shares the commonalities of caring for an older loved one is a great way to feel supported. 

• UK Elder Care Group meets the third Wednesday of most months. For more information, click HERE.
• Fayette County Early-Stage Dementia Support Group — this group is for Early-Stage caregivers, care partners and those living with the disease. They meet on the 2nd Tuesday of most months. For more information call Sarah at 859-323-6380. 
• Speak with an elder law attorney who can help navigate the complexities of elder care (establishing power of attorney, estate planning etc.)

Things you can do right now

1. Turn on your favorite music. Music can have therapeutic effects on a range of mental and physical health conditions. Research suggests music has significant power to help reduce stress and anxiety, relieve pain and improve focus. 
2. Get out for a walk. Exercise is a great destresser. Walking promotes the release of brain chemicals called endorphins that stimulate relaxation and improve our mood. Being outdoors is an added plus. Being outside lowers your stress hormone (cortisol) and decreases your heart rate.
3. Practice deep breathing. Breathing sends a message to our brain to calm down and relax. When we are stressed or anxious, our breathing tends to be irregular and shallow. Deep breathing is a practice that enables more air to flow into our body and can help calm our nerves, reducing stress and anxiety. The 4-7-8 breathing technique was developed by Dr. Andrew Weil. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. Try this two or three times and notice if you feel the difference.
4. Write it down. Journaling reduces stress by serving as an escape or emotional release for negative thoughts and feelings. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you gain control of your emotions, reduce stress, deflect anger and develop clarity. This is something personal; you don’t have to share it with anyone. You don’t need to worry about penmanship, grammar or which words you choose. Getting your thoughts down on paper and out of your head will free up your mind to think more clearly and rationally about your situation. 
5. Talk it out with a trusted friend. Just the act of speaking about your feelings out loud to another person can help. It can help you see the situation more clearly, seeing it from a different angle. Talking or being with a trusted friend can create a ‘safe’ space for you to relax and feel supported. It gives you time to think about new and/or different solutions and it helps you from feeling isolated.  

There are no easy solutions or answers in caregiving. Caregiving is a balance between being respectful and doing what is necessary to care for your loved one and doing what is needed to respect your own needs as a caregiver and as an individual. Be vigilant in monitoring your own wants and needs; self-care is essential. 

Take care of yourself!

Stay well, stay healthy, stay connected,

Terri