The Quiet Power of Mattering

Almost every week, someone notices the wall hanging behind me during a Zoom coaching session. It says: You Matter.

Sometimes my health coaching clients mention it right away. Other times, they notice it after we have talked about stress, burnout, a difficult season at work, or the familiar feeling of wondering, Am I doing enough?

Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s new book Mattering offers a helpful reminder: mattering is not about being indispensable, impressive, or productive all the time. It is the experience of knowing that we are valued and that what we do has meaning.

That distinction matters. It is easy to tie our worth to output: the deadline met, the inbox cleared, the problem solved, the people we helped. But mattering is bigger than achievement. It grows when we are seen as whole people, when our efforts are recognized, and when we have meaningful opportunities to contribute.

The good news is that mattering is not fixed; we can build it in small, intentional ways for ourselves and for one another.

Strengthen your own sense of mattering

Notice your impact. At the end of the day, ask yourself: How did I make something a little better today? Maybe you offered calm in a tense moment, helped someone solve a problem, shared your expertise, or gave another person your full attention. Keep a short note on your phone or save messages that remind you of the difference you have made (even on the days no one seemed to notice, it still counts).

Let people support you. Mattering is not only about being helpful; it also grows when we let others show up for us. Try a small request: “Could I talk something through with you?” Receiving care is part of connection, not a failure of independence.

Contribute within your actual capacity. Ask: What is one meaningful contribution I can make this week that will not deplete me? It might be mentoring a new colleague, offering an idea, welcoming someone into a group, or checking in on a friend. You do not have to save the world to participate in it.

Help others feel that they matter

Be specific with appreciation. Instead of “Thanks for everything,” try: “The way you explained that made the next step much clearer,” or “You brought a lot of steadiness to a stressful situation.” Specificity tells someone their particular contribution was seen.

Follow up. Remember the presentation, the medical appointment, the child leaving for college, or the difficult decision someone mentioned, and circle back. “I was thinking about you. How did that go?” communicates: Your life is worth holding in mind.

Invite perspective. Ask someone for input because you value what they bring: “You have experience with this, what are we missing?” or “Your perspective would be especially helpful here.” This is not about adding to someone’s workload; it is about making room for their insight.

A two-minute practice

Want to try it? Set aside a couple minutes at the end of your day:

For yourself: Name one way you contributed, connected, or showed up with care.
For someone else: Send one specific message of appreciation, encouragement, or follow-up.

The wall hanging behind me does not say, “You matter when you are productive enough,” or “You matter when you have it all figured out.”

It simply says: You Matter.

It is a reminder to loosen our grip on proving ourselves and pay closer attention to the quiet ways we already make life better for one another.