Food talk is rarely about food
- Food is tied to:
- Health status (real or perceived)
- Weight stigma and moral judgements
- Culture, family, religion, politics control, discipline, self-worth
- Diet culture has taught us:
- There’s a “right” and “wrong” way to eat
- Other people’s food choices are fair game for commentary
- Social settings amplify this because:
- Eating is public
- People feel watched, judged, compared
Common triggers for food talk
- Office lunches or food events
- Family gatherings
- Eating with someone with different goals:
- Weight loss vs. intuitive eating
- Medical diets vs. no restrictions
- Health-focused vs. pleasure-focused
- Being asked things such as:
- “Why aren’t you eating that?”
- “Should you be eating that?”
- “Are you going to eat all that?”
- “What diet are you on?”
Nutrition is not one-size-fits-all
- People eat for different reasons:
- Medical needs
- Weight loss
- Convenience and time
- Athletic performance
- Cultural or religious traditions
- Personal values
- Mental health
- Enjoyment and social connection
- Different goals can exist at the same table without anyone being wrong.
Comment with caution
- Why we comment on other peoples’ food:
- Social connection: Food is a natural conversation topic.
- Shared diet culture: People bond over being “good” or “bad.”
- Curiosity: Someone may genuinely want to know about a meal.
- Concern: People may worry about a coworker or loved one.
- Signs of discomfort around food talk:
- Over-explaining
- Apologizing for food
- Joking defensively
- Comments about how someone eats can feel like comments about the person themselves.
Strategies for food talk
- When in doubt, don’t initiate food talk.
- Follow the other person’s lead.
- Ask curiosity-based questions only if you sense it is safe.
- Focus food talk on:
- Taste
- Enjoyment
- Experience
- Culture
- Connection
- Avoid food talk that:
- Judges foods or food amounts
- Is likely to make people feel they need to choose a side (there are a lot of “hot button” food topics!)
- Use soft deflection: Acknowledge the comment briefly, then shift the conversation elsewhere.
- “It’s been working well for me lately. How was your weekend?”
- “Yeah, it’s what sounded good today. Did you see the email about the new project timeline?”
- “I’ve been enjoying it. By the way, have you tried that new restaurant near campus?”
- The goal is to not engage with the food commentary and move the conversation along naturally.
- Be brief and neutral: These responses give little information, which often prevents the conversation from continuing.
- “It works for me.”
- “This is what I felt like today.”
- “Just something I threw together.”
- When a response isn’t interesting or detailed, people usually lose interest and move on.
- Be direct but kind: Sometimes it’s helpful to define the boundary clearly, especially if comments happen repeatedly.
- “I try not to get into food choices at work, but thanks.”
- “I’ve found I feel better when I eat what works for me.”
- “I’ve been trying not to overthink food too much lately.”
- Direct responses can actually reduce awkwardness in the long run because they clarify the boundary.
- Use humor: Humor can lighten the moment and redirect attention, but it depends on the relationship and setting.
- “My lunch choices are a mystery even to me sometimes.”
- “I just follow the very advanced system of ‘whatever sounded good this morning."
- "My lunch strategy today was survival.”
- Humor works best when it keeps things light without putting yourself down.
You don’t owe an explanation
- You don’t have to justify:
- What you eat
- How much you eat
- Why you eat it
- People often feel pressure to explain things like:
- Following a certain diet
- Food allergies
- Medical conditions
- Personal preferences
- You are allowed to eat in ways that support your needs without providing a detailed explanation.
