A psychological phenomenon that occurs when you deviate from an intended course of action.
A minor slip-up leads to a series of perceived failures, fueled by the thought, “I’ve already messed up, so what the heck, I might as well keep going.”
The outcome is that a brief lapse becomes an extended relapse.
As a result, it feels increasingly difficult to return to your intended course of action.
What causes it?
All-or-nothing mindset: Aiming for perfection over progress will make any deviation feel like a failure.
Unrealistic expectations: Setting overly ambitious goals will make it more likely that you deviate from your intended behavior.
Guilt and self-criticism: The feelings of guilt and self-criticism that occur after a deviation can quickly fuel a minor lapse into a full-blown relapse.
Opportunistic thinking: Sometimes the deviation serves as an opportunity to continue a behavior we want to do, but don’t normally allow ourselves to.
How can I manage it?
Embrace progress over perfection: Slip-ups are a normal part of any change process. One small mistake doesn’t mean you’ve failed entirely. Remind yourself of the progress you are making, no matter how small.
Set realistic expectations for yourself: Honor the reality of your time, energy, knowledge, skills, budget and preferences.
Stay flexible: It is not a sign of failure to change course or revise your goals, as needed. Part of the change process is being willing to experiment and try different things.
Plan ahead: Develop strategies for handling slip-ups. This might include having a backup action plan, or ideas to coach yourself through the moment.
Find perspective: After a slip-up, ask yourself “How big of a deal is this? Is this as bad as I think it is?” If you can switch from an emotional state to a more rational mindset, you may stop the lapse from becoming a relapse.
Be mindful: When tempted to indulge further after a slip-up, pause and reflect. What are you feeling? What do you need? A moment of mindfulness can help you make choices that meet your true needs.
Practice self-compassion: This is a major determinant is whether a lapse becomes a relapse. Research tells us that those who can treat themselves kindly after a slip-up are more likely to recover quickly and avoid a continued relapse.
Mantras for self-compassion
“I am doing the best I can, and it’s okay to be where I am.”
“Mistakes are part of being human.”
“I am worthy of compassion, even when I feel I’ve failed.”
“This one meal doesn’t define my health journey.”
“I can choose a different path in the next moment.”
“I honor my body by responding with care, not self-criticism.”
“I am learning and growing with every bite and every choice.”
“I choose to be kind and understanding with myself.”
